Edit the bloated paragraph (cut 15 percent)Edita el párrafo inflado (recorta 15 por ciento)

Assignment

The following paragraph (142 words) comes from a draft Discussion. Edit it to 120 words or fewer, fix the thesis sentence, remove legalese and nominalizations, and keep the citation.

Draft: “It should be noted at the outset that there are a number of cases in which the courts of the State of Texas have made the determination that a plaintiff is not permitted to utilize the tort of intentional infliction of emotional distress in the event that the gravamen of the aforementioned plaintiff’s complaint is, in actuality, a claim for defamation. In the case of Draker v. Schreiber, a consideration of the facts was undertaken by the court, and said court arrived at the conclusion that the vice principal’s claim, which was predicated upon the creation of a fake profile by students, could not be maintained as an IIED claim due to the fact that the injury complained of was an injury to reputation. 271 S.W.3d 318, 323–24 (Tex. App.—San Antonio 2008, no pet.). Accordingly, it is submitted that the reviews in the instant matter are similarly situated.”

Model answer

A plaintiff whose real complaint is defamation cannot repackage it as intentional infliction of emotional distress. In Draker v. Schreiber, students created a fake online profile of a school vice principal with false and sexual content, and she sued for defamation and IIED. 271 S.W.3d 318, 320–21 (Tex. App.—San Antonio 2008, no pet.). The court affirmed summary judgment on the IIED claim because the injury she alleged was an injury to reputation, which defamation law governs. Id. at 323–24. Kyle’s reviews fit that pattern: each statement attacks Renata’s professional reputation, and the harm she describes, lost bookings, is reputational.

(86 words.)

Common mistakes

• Cutting the citation or the facts of Draker along with the padding.
• Keeping “it should be noted” or “it is submitted”; the memo’s voice is the writer’s.
• Replacing one nominalization with another (a determination → a finding).